Carving up Thanksgiving chores
By John Norberg, humor columist
Most people say that Thanksgiving is a man's holiday. For women, it's a lot of work.
But when you think about it, everything works out pretty equal. For example on Thanksgiving I have four responsibilities: Greeting guests, leading discussions about football around the TV, carving the turkey, and saying the prayer.
My wife, Jeanne, also has four Thanksgiving jobs: Grocery shopping for 17 people, setting and decorating two formal dinning tables, cooking all the food and leading the clean up.
So, we each have four jobs and that makes us even. I've been thinking about this lately, but I haven't actually mentioned it my wife. And I don't think I will before Thanksgiving. Or even before Christmas.
Maybe in July.
It is not easy being a woman on any day, but especially at Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the Super Bowl of family meals and people have high expectations.
Thanksgiving pressure for men centers on carving the turkey. Here is what happens.
My wife works for days preparing a magnificent meal. The star of it all is the turkey. The whole day comes to a crescendo when she hands me her prize turkey fresh out of the oven: A turkey cooked to absolute perfection; a turkey that smells so good grown men are drawn from the football game to the kitchen in hopes of stealing a sample; a turkey that looks so magnificent it puts Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving paintings to shame.
There are "oohs" and "ahhhs" coming from the family crowded into the kitchen as she hands me the product of days of labor and says those three special words that send shivers up and down my spine: "Carve this please."
I don't have the slightest idea how to carve a turkey. I take the turkey from my wife realizing that in the next 10 minutes I might very well destroy everything she has spent days accomplishing.
If you hack up and ruin your wife's Thanksgiving turkey, there is not going to be any giving of thanks coming your way anytime soon.
I have considered hiring a professional turkey carver, but I know I'd never get away with that.
So this year I'm going to combine two of my four jobs. I'm going to pray that I carve the turkey right for once.
And I'll also pray that soon some smart entrepreneur will come up a pre-carved Thanksgiving turkey to save men like me.
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